Understanding Boys - School Board Responds
Ah. I said that I would post the response to the email I sent to the school board about viewing the excellent documentary "Raising Cain", and linking the site to the school website.
Here is what I got:
Penny
I think it would be a good idea for you to come speak before the entire Board. Maybe others are experiencing what you are and this would be a great chance for you to get your message out to the entire public. Think about it. Our next meeting is Feb. 13, 2005 at 7:00pm.Write a three minute speech---much like the email you sent us. Practice it a bit and then, get up and deliver it. You will need to sign a speaker’s card by 6:45pm on Feb. 13th. Be natural, use tactfulness, read a little and look up as often as possible. It is a good message, just believe in yourself and everything will take care of itself. Good luck!
Sincerely,Stan M. xxISD Trustee-Position 1
Say what??!! I am not a speaker, I am a writer. I do not speak well in public. When I do, people become nervous and agitated due to the feeling that an earthquake is occurring. I cannot control the incredibly hard shaking that overwhelms me. Should I be attempting to sing vibrato, this works well, but not when I am attempting to move the school board to try something. Sigh.
This is what I have so far:
According to the National Center for Educational Statistics: Boys are 30 percent more likely than girls to flunk or drop out of school; When it comes to grades and homework, girls outperform boys in elementary, secondary, high school, college, and even graduate school; Women outnumber men in higher education with 56 percent of bachelor's degrees and 55 percent of graduate degrees going to women. According to the U.S. Department of Education: Boys make up two-thirds of the students in special education and are five times more likely to be classified as hyperactive. Basically put, the boys in our society are suffering and struggling. They are often misunderstood, isolated and stereotyped. I understand that a lot of the attitudes in response to boy's behaviors have a lot to do with society’s response to frightening and shocking events, but I believe that we are doing a grave disservice to an entire group of children, and creating, however inadvertently, the very monsters we seek to avoid. From the time they enter elementary school they are inundated with the message that who they are, what is innately “boy” behavior is bad, that they way they think creatively – blood, guts, death – is wrong. When I am informed by a principal at an elementary school that “boys can not longer be boys anymore. They have to sit and learn this stuff”, I know that there is something wrong. When we are fighting the very nature of a person, in this case a boy’s inherent “maleness”, it is not the child that is in error anymore, it is the system. Boys have emotions. They have emotional lives. In fact, it has been proven that they are more emotional than girls. Yet they disguise these lives in ways that frustrate us and force us to see “attitude” or “disruptive behavior”. I have been extremely frustrated for the past ten years or so, watching helplessly as my children are punished severely for the most innocuous behavior or actions. Non-malicious mischievousness is treated like criminal behavior. However, a few weeks ago, I feel I finally found vindication. On PBS, I watched “Raising Cain” from the book of the same name. It is a two-hour documentary about the physical, spiritual and emotional development of boys, and how they are in crisis in our country. I would like to make a plea to our board to have this documentary shown to every staff member in every school in our district. I think a link should exist on the xxISD home page to the comprehensive guide labeled “understanding boys”, and I believe that every parent in the district should be made aware of this book and film, perhaps even offering showings of the film on campuses throughout the district with some kind of discussion afterwards. Why? Because I am acutely aware, not just with my children but with all the boys that I have been around since having two sons, that these boys are lost. They are desperate for positive reinforcement, validation and acceptance but don’t know how to get it. They are caught between being in dire need of nurturing and the intrinsic need of attaining manhood. I see the need every single day, and it saddens me to see so many boys floundering. Parents are frustrated. Teachers are at their wit’s end. And the boys have no idea how to do anything differently. We are the adults. We have made a conscious decision to look at girls and say, “you can do anything; nothing is unattainable if you truly want it” yet boys fall by the wayside. Coaches yell at them. Parents hit or belittle them. Adults devastate them with disapproving glances. Boys need our help. I have a copy of the film to offer to the boardtonight as well as copies of the link to the website which has a comprehensive guide to helping boys – with a section specifically labeled “Boys in School”. "Information is power" we keep telling our kids. I think we could use a little empowerment to help our boys become men.
Thank you.
The message is important enough to me but the idea of (shudder) gettting up and speaking is mortifying.
Ah. I said that I would post the response to the email I sent to the school board about viewing the excellent documentary "Raising Cain", and linking the site to the school website.
Here is what I got:
Penny
I think it would be a good idea for you to come speak before the entire Board. Maybe others are experiencing what you are and this would be a great chance for you to get your message out to the entire public. Think about it. Our next meeting is Feb. 13, 2005 at 7:00pm.Write a three minute speech---much like the email you sent us. Practice it a bit and then, get up and deliver it. You will need to sign a speaker’s card by 6:45pm on Feb. 13th. Be natural, use tactfulness, read a little and look up as often as possible. It is a good message, just believe in yourself and everything will take care of itself. Good luck!
Sincerely,Stan M. xxISD Trustee-Position 1
Say what??!! I am not a speaker, I am a writer. I do not speak well in public. When I do, people become nervous and agitated due to the feeling that an earthquake is occurring. I cannot control the incredibly hard shaking that overwhelms me. Should I be attempting to sing vibrato, this works well, but not when I am attempting to move the school board to try something. Sigh.
This is what I have so far:
According to the National Center for Educational Statistics: Boys are 30 percent more likely than girls to flunk or drop out of school; When it comes to grades and homework, girls outperform boys in elementary, secondary, high school, college, and even graduate school; Women outnumber men in higher education with 56 percent of bachelor's degrees and 55 percent of graduate degrees going to women. According to the U.S. Department of Education: Boys make up two-thirds of the students in special education and are five times more likely to be classified as hyperactive. Basically put, the boys in our society are suffering and struggling. They are often misunderstood, isolated and stereotyped. I understand that a lot of the attitudes in response to boy's behaviors have a lot to do with society’s response to frightening and shocking events, but I believe that we are doing a grave disservice to an entire group of children, and creating, however inadvertently, the very monsters we seek to avoid. From the time they enter elementary school they are inundated with the message that who they are, what is innately “boy” behavior is bad, that they way they think creatively – blood, guts, death – is wrong. When I am informed by a principal at an elementary school that “boys can not longer be boys anymore. They have to sit and learn this stuff”, I know that there is something wrong. When we are fighting the very nature of a person, in this case a boy’s inherent “maleness”, it is not the child that is in error anymore, it is the system. Boys have emotions. They have emotional lives. In fact, it has been proven that they are more emotional than girls. Yet they disguise these lives in ways that frustrate us and force us to see “attitude” or “disruptive behavior”. I have been extremely frustrated for the past ten years or so, watching helplessly as my children are punished severely for the most innocuous behavior or actions. Non-malicious mischievousness is treated like criminal behavior. However, a few weeks ago, I feel I finally found vindication. On PBS, I watched “Raising Cain” from the book of the same name. It is a two-hour documentary about the physical, spiritual and emotional development of boys, and how they are in crisis in our country. I would like to make a plea to our board to have this documentary shown to every staff member in every school in our district. I think a link should exist on the xxISD home page to the comprehensive guide labeled “understanding boys”, and I believe that every parent in the district should be made aware of this book and film, perhaps even offering showings of the film on campuses throughout the district with some kind of discussion afterwards. Why? Because I am acutely aware, not just with my children but with all the boys that I have been around since having two sons, that these boys are lost. They are desperate for positive reinforcement, validation and acceptance but don’t know how to get it. They are caught between being in dire need of nurturing and the intrinsic need of attaining manhood. I see the need every single day, and it saddens me to see so many boys floundering. Parents are frustrated. Teachers are at their wit’s end. And the boys have no idea how to do anything differently. We are the adults. We have made a conscious decision to look at girls and say, “you can do anything; nothing is unattainable if you truly want it” yet boys fall by the wayside. Coaches yell at them. Parents hit or belittle them. Adults devastate them with disapproving glances. Boys need our help. I have a copy of the film to offer to the boardtonight as well as copies of the link to the website which has a comprehensive guide to helping boys – with a section specifically labeled “Boys in School”. "Information is power" we keep telling our kids. I think we could use a little empowerment to help our boys become men.
Thank you.
The message is important enough to me but the idea of (shudder) gettting up and speaking is mortifying.
Comments
I have three grown sons (and one very little grandson) and have upset for many years at how boys' needs haven't been addressed the way girls' needs have been. (Incidentally, when the college at which I taught did "Take Our Daughters to Work Day" in 1994, I strenuously objected, saying it should be "Take Our Children to Work." I was ignored.)
I think a major part of the problem is that liberals have yet to embrace this issue. For example, here's a quote from last year that I totally agree with:
“I feel like, in the United States, that we’ve sort of shifted our gaze away from boys for the last several decades, and that we’ve neglected boys.”
You know who said it? Laura Bush. This is an example of the fact that, so far as I know, thus far conservatives have really been the only major boy-supporters. I am solidly liberal on virtually all matters and my friends are liberals. It's been very hard to find fellow liberals who are with me on this. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
Before I even read your blog, I was planning to do a workshop to help parents support their boys' efforts in school. (I'm a retired professor of psychology.) It's great to know I'm not the only liberal who cares about our sons and grandsons. (And what will young women do when they can't find well-educated young men? It's really everybody's problem!).
Keep up the good work in Texas and I'll be doing it here in New York state.