Computer problems are such misery, aren’t they? There is very little that makes you feel quite as incompetent as auto mechanics and computer/technology repair.
Sigh.
I keep getting a “virtual” memory error for which I have followed the instructions to correct but it remains. So at virtually any time – usually when I have been writing for over an hour or when my child is desperately trying to submit his essay to “turnitin.com” (which checks for plagiarism) – that’s when everything goes to hell.
This would explain why I haven’t written anything for awhile, although I have been kind of in the outer limits of the atmosphere (OF JOY) with the resignation of da hamma.
But moving quickly to...
Black. White. Part five – is that right? Gee, this has gone by quickly.
I see Carmen (white mom) as being genuinely sensitive and wanting to extract as much from the experience as possible but seriously she is like my puppy, Maya. Precious, adorable, naïve, obedient when you’re really mad, full of energy and life, she has been a great addition to the family. But she drives the other dogs crazy. She doesn’t understand the whole idea of “alpha male” at all, running up to our senior collie mix with a mix of youthful exuberance and a “love me!” presence that drives him nuts. He tries repeatedly to put her in her place but she doesn’t get it – slapping at his face (there must be boxer in this dog) following him around trying to lick his face and he’s like “GET OFF!” She invades the personal space of the yorkie and the pom/Pekinese mix to the point that they literally hide or get to a place she can’t get to keep her from pouncing on them. She is under the impression she is still five pounds when if fact she’s 5x that. Her intentions are pure but she isn’t understanding that she is the new addition and has to be an observer, absorbing the climate and the pack traditions. Carmen goes into a beauty shop with Renee (black mom) and just doesn’t seem to grasp that she is in a new environment and she needs to soak it up first. She needs to see what is acceptable, what others are doing and emulate them. No one else goes up to a complete stranger and asks to touch her hair.
What?
You don’t do that! Women, especially black women, work really hard on their hair and you can’t just go up and ask to touch it. Carmen doesn’t seem to understand that just because you have the makeup on doesn’t mean that you are part of the culture.
Her heart, I believe is in the right place.
But Bruno (white dad). Oh dear, Bruno. What he didn’t grasp in his experience in the domino games was the way he was feeling – uncomfortable, disinterested, put off by the rituals of drinking and smoking and playing a game he wasn’t interested in – was how most black people feel every single day. Disconnected. I know for a fact that when the black people that he was around started talking, he did not understand what they were talking about and what they were actually saying. He even said “talking Ebonics”. He did not put that negative feeling to positive use and talk to his Brian (black dad) about the feeling of disconnect. Instead he was like “this just isn’t my thing”, almost in a superior way. I don’t want to think Bruno is a racist. I really, really don’t. But I am disheartened. I see racism. I hear racism.
Weekly.
Sometimes Daily.
Maybe it’s because I live in the south. I don’t know. But it is as acceptable as breathing. Accepting stereotyping as factual information. Both my sons have started seeing tendencies now that we are watching this program. On the rare occasion we watch the local news, we have gotten to a point where we freeze or replay news stories about incidents that we think are racist and discuss it. Over and over the visual images of upstanding citizen or victim is white and criminal or perpetrator is minority. The injection of “Katrina refugee” into a story about a fight, gunfire, etc. for no apparent reason. It has been hugely enlightening and a lightening rod for discussion. My youngest, ever the guy in the middle or offering a counter opinion for balance will play devil’s advocate. Which is good because he is trying to figure out how to confront those in his school that respond to him that way. He asks something like “what’s the big deal about them saying it was a Katrina refugee?” and Josh usually gives him a great “teenage” perspective that Cody can incorporate into what he says to someone who says something racist at his school. It has also made them acutely aware of their own feelings of racism – listing off the stereotypical behaviors and dispelling them. Figuring out why they think what they do, and if there is no reason, realizing that something they might have just absorbed as truth is actually a complete falsity. For example, Cody asked me if all Asians are bad drivers. I looked at him and he was looking at me and he dropped his head. As soon as it left his mouth he realized – what had been fed to him that he had contained within himself without examination – that he had swallowed something really bad. He muttered – of course not. Then lifted his head and we had a discussion about it. It was good. Self discovery is always an interesting adventure.
Anyway, I initially thought that the white couple had much more to learn than the black couple, but I found out that…no. They need some insight too. Not getting the relationship she had hoped with Carmen, Renee goes in search of a white friend of her own. She goes to, get this, a bible study group. And a knitting circle.
A bible study group.
And a knitting circle.
Sigh.
I have to say, I deepened the furrow in my brow with that one. I was seriously like – what? WHAT?
That’s what you think we do?
People my age?
We study THE WORD and KNIT?
I think she’s a lover of the Lord so I can maybe get why she went there, but she knitted as well as I do. And I don’t. So is that what black women think 40ish women do during their off time?
Bible study and knit.
Geez.
Anyway, third pitch was a home run because not only did she go for scrap-booking which is so much closer to something, say, I would be interested in doing, but she also found someone so grounded and unassuming – I was like YAH! There we are! There I am! There Lori is! There are my friends and my people! Right there embodied in that un-racist, funny, caring, kind, strong woman! Woohoo.
They like each other. They eat together. They hang out. They go shopping.
And they go into a furrier.
(chin drops dramatically to chest)
exhale.
I guess I can’t have everything, right? I know they exist. I do what I can to boycott, protest and inform others as to the truth about fur and the cruelty that is involved in that barbaric and unnecessary human atrocity. I do. And as they spun around in their full length (hard swallow) mink coats and beaver (gag) jackets getting their picture taken, the image of hundreds of little animals being electrocuted, trapped and tortured for the tiny swatch of fur they provide for this five feet of dead animal for the winter freeze that is all to common in the suburbs of LOS ANGELES reverberated through my mind. Why do we do it? Why do feel compelled to torture or allow the torture of the most innocent amongst us? Because God said we could? Because we can? How truly, truly pathetic is that?
But I stray from the topic.
What was cool was Renee went in search of – not in search of a confrontation, not to find racism and expose it, she went in search of someone she could relate to . She went in search of commonality. And she found it. How awesome! What a great opportunity for her to see that we are all not what she believed us to be.
I am inspired that Carmen, Rose, and Renee – the three females, seem to be embracing this experience, delving into tender and emotional areas wanting to explore, possibly be hurt, but definitely determined to get the most out of the experience. But that’s not weird. Woman start working on all the interpersonal stuff early – like two and three years of age. They are working out relational issues all day long. It’s what they do. Men, on the other hand, don’t operate like that. Not all, but most. They have a tendency to know what they know. Going into uncertain areas makes them uneasy and their hackles, through no fault of their on, immediately go up. Mix in family and there is going to be staking of territories (usually through marking of the furniture J ) of the periphery of the boundary and defensiveness will abound. Men are protectors. However, we have had a de-faceting of men here lately, as if they are only manly if they are the stereotypical swaggering, tough he-man. That is such a man-view of manly. Or rather an insecure man’s view of what a man should be. Because if men weren’t supposed to cry, their tear ducts would close. They wouldn’t experience sadness. How does that makes sense? You, as a man, are given the same ability to feel certain things, in fact it is proven that boys feel emotions MORE strongly than little girls, and you aren’t supposed to express that emotion? You are supposed to…suppress it? I would love for someone to explain the logic of that. It’s retarded. Sorry. But it is. Your mom dies, I don’t care if you are a man or a woman, you don’t cry for your mom, you’re a punk.
So, I understand what is going on with the men. Brian is desperately trying to put something in front of Bruno face and have him look at it, and Bruno is doing the whole denial thing – looking left, right, up and down. Anywhere Brian isn’t. Because he has been exposed to it in one way or another and he dismisses it. And that is so not what he needs to do. But maybe his refusal to look outward is actually a manifestation of his refusal to look inward. Maybe looking at and acknowledging the racism that exists around him would mean that he would have to acknowledge that which resides within him. And has for a long time. Because no one makes a music video (last week) that offensive, that completely shamed him in a way I don’t think I would be able to forgive, and not be a racist. Come to think of it, I have seen Bruno happy, frustrated, angry, threatened – but in all this I have not seen him sad. I have not seen him upset. He’s not upset by anything? Why is he so emotionless? But then again, I wonder how vulnerable I would make myself on national television…there you go. Who knows who the real “Bruno” is? I hope not the one that is presented because I’m sure there is so much more to him.
Nick (black son) bobs along like a little unoccupied canoe on the river. Being carried by the current of life. Gliding along completely oblivious to not only what is going on around him and the power beneath him, but also his ability to engage and be empowered. We really did not see him at all this week, but last week it was like he had just woken up from a very deep nap. A very deep long sleep. You could see it in his eyes. An awakening.
Then there’s Rose (white daughter) who is exceedingly well versed, obviously educated, more culturally aware than her mother, and who I believe is the most advance in her mindset than any of them. All of them combined actually. She has forged through so much that she is now at a place where she is not seeing black people and white people – she sees a person. The individual. The one person to whom she is engaged at that moment. Rose seems to give so much of herself to the other person in her attention and investment of herself. She invests. And she invests wisely. She also goes to a black hair salon and she sits back. She smiles and her eyes sparkle and she’s quiet. She laughs and expresses emotions appropriately. Is it her essence or just the apparent openness of youth – the flexibility of the early stages of humanhood. I don’t know. I see her as a great person. A loving caring empathetic insightful person.
Next week is the finale I have really liked this program. I would like to see another one.And if there’s another one, it needs to go longer and deeper. It’s too important a topic to cliffnote.
Sigh.
I keep getting a “virtual” memory error for which I have followed the instructions to correct but it remains. So at virtually any time – usually when I have been writing for over an hour or when my child is desperately trying to submit his essay to “turnitin.com” (which checks for plagiarism) – that’s when everything goes to hell.
This would explain why I haven’t written anything for awhile, although I have been kind of in the outer limits of the atmosphere (OF JOY) with the resignation of da hamma.
But moving quickly to...
Black. White. Part five – is that right? Gee, this has gone by quickly.
I see Carmen (white mom) as being genuinely sensitive and wanting to extract as much from the experience as possible but seriously she is like my puppy, Maya. Precious, adorable, naïve, obedient when you’re really mad, full of energy and life, she has been a great addition to the family. But she drives the other dogs crazy. She doesn’t understand the whole idea of “alpha male” at all, running up to our senior collie mix with a mix of youthful exuberance and a “love me!” presence that drives him nuts. He tries repeatedly to put her in her place but she doesn’t get it – slapping at his face (there must be boxer in this dog) following him around trying to lick his face and he’s like “GET OFF!” She invades the personal space of the yorkie and the pom/Pekinese mix to the point that they literally hide or get to a place she can’t get to keep her from pouncing on them. She is under the impression she is still five pounds when if fact she’s 5x that. Her intentions are pure but she isn’t understanding that she is the new addition and has to be an observer, absorbing the climate and the pack traditions. Carmen goes into a beauty shop with Renee (black mom) and just doesn’t seem to grasp that she is in a new environment and she needs to soak it up first. She needs to see what is acceptable, what others are doing and emulate them. No one else goes up to a complete stranger and asks to touch her hair.
What?
You don’t do that! Women, especially black women, work really hard on their hair and you can’t just go up and ask to touch it. Carmen doesn’t seem to understand that just because you have the makeup on doesn’t mean that you are part of the culture.
Her heart, I believe is in the right place.
But Bruno (white dad). Oh dear, Bruno. What he didn’t grasp in his experience in the domino games was the way he was feeling – uncomfortable, disinterested, put off by the rituals of drinking and smoking and playing a game he wasn’t interested in – was how most black people feel every single day. Disconnected. I know for a fact that when the black people that he was around started talking, he did not understand what they were talking about and what they were actually saying. He even said “talking Ebonics”. He did not put that negative feeling to positive use and talk to his Brian (black dad) about the feeling of disconnect. Instead he was like “this just isn’t my thing”, almost in a superior way. I don’t want to think Bruno is a racist. I really, really don’t. But I am disheartened. I see racism. I hear racism.
Weekly.
Sometimes Daily.
Maybe it’s because I live in the south. I don’t know. But it is as acceptable as breathing. Accepting stereotyping as factual information. Both my sons have started seeing tendencies now that we are watching this program. On the rare occasion we watch the local news, we have gotten to a point where we freeze or replay news stories about incidents that we think are racist and discuss it. Over and over the visual images of upstanding citizen or victim is white and criminal or perpetrator is minority. The injection of “Katrina refugee” into a story about a fight, gunfire, etc. for no apparent reason. It has been hugely enlightening and a lightening rod for discussion. My youngest, ever the guy in the middle or offering a counter opinion for balance will play devil’s advocate. Which is good because he is trying to figure out how to confront those in his school that respond to him that way. He asks something like “what’s the big deal about them saying it was a Katrina refugee?” and Josh usually gives him a great “teenage” perspective that Cody can incorporate into what he says to someone who says something racist at his school. It has also made them acutely aware of their own feelings of racism – listing off the stereotypical behaviors and dispelling them. Figuring out why they think what they do, and if there is no reason, realizing that something they might have just absorbed as truth is actually a complete falsity. For example, Cody asked me if all Asians are bad drivers. I looked at him and he was looking at me and he dropped his head. As soon as it left his mouth he realized – what had been fed to him that he had contained within himself without examination – that he had swallowed something really bad. He muttered – of course not. Then lifted his head and we had a discussion about it. It was good. Self discovery is always an interesting adventure.
Anyway, I initially thought that the white couple had much more to learn than the black couple, but I found out that…no. They need some insight too. Not getting the relationship she had hoped with Carmen, Renee goes in search of a white friend of her own. She goes to, get this, a bible study group. And a knitting circle.
A bible study group.
And a knitting circle.
Sigh.
I have to say, I deepened the furrow in my brow with that one. I was seriously like – what? WHAT?
That’s what you think we do?
People my age?
We study THE WORD and KNIT?
I think she’s a lover of the Lord so I can maybe get why she went there, but she knitted as well as I do. And I don’t. So is that what black women think 40ish women do during their off time?
Bible study and knit.
Geez.
Anyway, third pitch was a home run because not only did she go for scrap-booking which is so much closer to something, say, I would be interested in doing, but she also found someone so grounded and unassuming – I was like YAH! There we are! There I am! There Lori is! There are my friends and my people! Right there embodied in that un-racist, funny, caring, kind, strong woman! Woohoo.
They like each other. They eat together. They hang out. They go shopping.
And they go into a furrier.
(chin drops dramatically to chest)
exhale.
I guess I can’t have everything, right? I know they exist. I do what I can to boycott, protest and inform others as to the truth about fur and the cruelty that is involved in that barbaric and unnecessary human atrocity. I do. And as they spun around in their full length (hard swallow) mink coats and beaver (gag) jackets getting their picture taken, the image of hundreds of little animals being electrocuted, trapped and tortured for the tiny swatch of fur they provide for this five feet of dead animal for the winter freeze that is all to common in the suburbs of LOS ANGELES reverberated through my mind. Why do we do it? Why do feel compelled to torture or allow the torture of the most innocent amongst us? Because God said we could? Because we can? How truly, truly pathetic is that?
But I stray from the topic.
What was cool was Renee went in search of – not in search of a confrontation, not to find racism and expose it, she went in search of someone she could relate to . She went in search of commonality. And she found it. How awesome! What a great opportunity for her to see that we are all not what she believed us to be.
I am inspired that Carmen, Rose, and Renee – the three females, seem to be embracing this experience, delving into tender and emotional areas wanting to explore, possibly be hurt, but definitely determined to get the most out of the experience. But that’s not weird. Woman start working on all the interpersonal stuff early – like two and three years of age. They are working out relational issues all day long. It’s what they do. Men, on the other hand, don’t operate like that. Not all, but most. They have a tendency to know what they know. Going into uncertain areas makes them uneasy and their hackles, through no fault of their on, immediately go up. Mix in family and there is going to be staking of territories (usually through marking of the furniture J ) of the periphery of the boundary and defensiveness will abound. Men are protectors. However, we have had a de-faceting of men here lately, as if they are only manly if they are the stereotypical swaggering, tough he-man. That is such a man-view of manly. Or rather an insecure man’s view of what a man should be. Because if men weren’t supposed to cry, their tear ducts would close. They wouldn’t experience sadness. How does that makes sense? You, as a man, are given the same ability to feel certain things, in fact it is proven that boys feel emotions MORE strongly than little girls, and you aren’t supposed to express that emotion? You are supposed to…suppress it? I would love for someone to explain the logic of that. It’s retarded. Sorry. But it is. Your mom dies, I don’t care if you are a man or a woman, you don’t cry for your mom, you’re a punk.
So, I understand what is going on with the men. Brian is desperately trying to put something in front of Bruno face and have him look at it, and Bruno is doing the whole denial thing – looking left, right, up and down. Anywhere Brian isn’t. Because he has been exposed to it in one way or another and he dismisses it. And that is so not what he needs to do. But maybe his refusal to look outward is actually a manifestation of his refusal to look inward. Maybe looking at and acknowledging the racism that exists around him would mean that he would have to acknowledge that which resides within him. And has for a long time. Because no one makes a music video (last week) that offensive, that completely shamed him in a way I don’t think I would be able to forgive, and not be a racist. Come to think of it, I have seen Bruno happy, frustrated, angry, threatened – but in all this I have not seen him sad. I have not seen him upset. He’s not upset by anything? Why is he so emotionless? But then again, I wonder how vulnerable I would make myself on national television…there you go. Who knows who the real “Bruno” is? I hope not the one that is presented because I’m sure there is so much more to him.
Nick (black son) bobs along like a little unoccupied canoe on the river. Being carried by the current of life. Gliding along completely oblivious to not only what is going on around him and the power beneath him, but also his ability to engage and be empowered. We really did not see him at all this week, but last week it was like he had just woken up from a very deep nap. A very deep long sleep. You could see it in his eyes. An awakening.
Then there’s Rose (white daughter) who is exceedingly well versed, obviously educated, more culturally aware than her mother, and who I believe is the most advance in her mindset than any of them. All of them combined actually. She has forged through so much that she is now at a place where she is not seeing black people and white people – she sees a person. The individual. The one person to whom she is engaged at that moment. Rose seems to give so much of herself to the other person in her attention and investment of herself. She invests. And she invests wisely. She also goes to a black hair salon and she sits back. She smiles and her eyes sparkle and she’s quiet. She laughs and expresses emotions appropriately. Is it her essence or just the apparent openness of youth – the flexibility of the early stages of humanhood. I don’t know. I see her as a great person. A loving caring empathetic insightful person.
Next week is the finale I have really liked this program. I would like to see another one.And if there’s another one, it needs to go longer and deeper. It’s too important a topic to cliffnote.
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