Justice is Blind…..to Justice

You know, I try to keep this blog devoted to general concerns - animal rights, social awareness, political truthfulness...not a personal confessional. Egads! How nauseatingly self-serving. But sometimes, there are things that come from beyond left field that knock you on your ass and make you think “that really didn’t just happen….did it?”
I am divorced. I will not bore you with the details of my marriage’s demise. We were not well suited for each other at all. I believe that opposites attract, but when someone is so different from you on every fundamental issue, you realize that the image projected was not indicative of the person beneath. Divorce is a horrible, gut wrenching experience that I will, thankfully, never have to revisit again. Having children and going through a divorce is the most devastating experience, next to losing a child, that anyone will have to go through. It was bitter. It was painful. It was laced with false allegations and deceptions. But it is over. Unfortunately, child support is a constant issue. While I was separated from my x, he paid 450 dollars a month for both children. Once the decree was finalized, he pitched his unemployed status and got it lowered to 300 a month. That was what he paid for seven years, occasionally.
Then suddenly, he went through a life-altering emergency that had him on the brink of death, and he called me. Weird considering how antagonistic and spiteful he had been for all those years. Still, my husband came home early from work and I went to the hospital. My x had diverticulitis. I went to the hospital for three days from 8 –2 to help him until his family could come from Colombia. At one point, he says that we should be friends. I say ok. He owed me 3000 in back child support at that time. When he was better, we met and agreed to 900 per month in child support, and I would waive the 3000 in back child support. This was established for two years. The direct payment of 600 dollars to me, in addition to the 300 he paid through the child support collection office, was a constant point of contention. I always had to ask for it. He constantly bitched about it. This guy is a total control freak. How much of a control freak you ask? He wouldn’t let the boys say my husband’s name. He made the boys call him “tubby” or “toy boy”. Funny? Maybe, but for two boys four and five? Not so funny. Selfish. Mean spirited. With no regard for the effect on the kids or understanding of their love for their stepfather. Just ugly. I think the saddest part of all was how it turned the boys. The boys saw him as he is, not what he projected or of what kind of person he tried to convince them he was, they saw through his own actions the person that they didn’t want to become. I tried to help them to understand that he was angry and we all do things when we are angry of which we are ashamed later. However, he permanently scarred his relationship with his children by doing this. They might forgive him, they might attempt to have a relationship with him at some point in the future, which I think is always a good thing, but for now, they detest him. They despise his selfishness, his arrogance, his inability to be truthful, and his temper. Once he feels that you have been disloyal to him, watch out. He is a scary, scary guy. The boys told me about his drinking and driving while they were with him, but they were mortified when I mentioned it, asking him not to drink and drive with the boys in the future. It was almost like a child that reveals that a parent is abusing him, and then having to go be alone with that parent when the abuser knows that the child told. They were panicked. I told them to do what they needed to do to get through the weekend – if that meant denial, then so be it. So they denied it, and it was a smooth weekend. Phew.
In any case, I decided after several altercations, that I had had enough and I contacted my lawyer. It took over a year, but through mediation it was raised to 1200/month. Because, unbeknownst to me, he had been making over 100,000 dollars a year for years. Within a couple of months, he had contacted a lawyer and pushed for a motion to modify child support, even though you aren’t allowed to do so for a year. He lost his job in June and has made no effort to look for employment as he has a rental property, his new wife’s salary and her child support. He is actually trying to start a restaurant – a hot dog station from what I gather – even though he has had zero restaurant experience. Having trouble finding financial backers, shockingly enough. Regardless, I get a call this morning from my attorney. It turns out that there was a hearing this morning. Yes. That’s right. A hearing had been set. But we find out once she gets to the courthouse, that the original hearing was set DECEMBER 14TH. Two weeks ago. Child support had been reduced to 361.00 per month for both boys on December 14th . We received no notification. We had no idea a hearing was taking place or had taken place. Now tell me. How does this work? How do you schedule a hearing that involves the support of two children, that involves two adults and allow a hearing to take place, before the year deadline of the previous agreement, without notifying both parties? I have no idea if the child support was the only issue or if others were discussed. It’s scary to think that he could have introduced anything he wanted, any false documentation of some wrong-doing and I would not have been there to defend myself. Two weeks went by without one word from the court stating that a decision had been made without my knowledge.
I think about this and it is nothing compared to what people are enduring and have endured for years when it comes to our legal system. It is broken. It does not work. I am so thankful that I have a family member who is willing to help me with all this because one of the original problems with getting child support modified in the first place was the cost of getting a lawyer to represent me. When you have two kids and you are getting 150 every two weeks (maybe), you are working, and your x saddles you with huge financial baggage, how on earth are you supposed to get the money together to fight injustice in court? It’s a ridiculous situation. There are no options. But there are people in jail, people who have been executed on circumstantial evidence, who did not get proper counsel, and have no way out. Can you imagine? Being who you are, a law abiding citizen going about your life, and bam! You are accused of something you didn’t do. The more you try to verbally defend yourself the guiltier you look. You lose your job because you are in jail, you can’t afford a lawyer and you are given to someone who is absolutely saturated with vitally important cases. We all aren’t Kobe. We all aren’t Michael. We all can’t afford the top lawyers. So, you risk it. And you lose. You don’t know how, but you lose. Can you imagine being who you are and going through the hell of incarceration? Strip searched, stripped of your rights and liberties. Thrust into a cage, thrust into a society that you don’t understand and for which you are ill equipped? The horror is overwhelming.
That a hearing affecting my children and me can go on without my awareness brings the reality of the brokenness of our system front and center for me. My attorney assures me that this can all be undone and set straight. But not in my mind. In my mind, I now know that the legal wheels of injustice churn on without me and grind our rights to a fine mist that dissipates with the first capricious breeze. That proceedings can go on without the notification of all affected parties proves to me that our legal system is as askew as our government. It is time to fix both. I have read some seriously mind boggling, jaw dropping stories about people having their children taken from them and given to an abuser or a molester because he has the money. In the back of your mind you read this stuff and think – can this really be true? Is it exaggerated? You are, after all, only hearing one side. That is true in my case as well. But this is the fact. A hearing took place that affected me without my being notified. No other side is necessary. Is this right? Is this how the legal system works now? Scary.

One ray of light – the www.innocenceproject.org which has helped to exonerate 170 people to date using DNA evidence. To be honest, I believe this should be a branch of the investigation process. A verification department, if you will. The police bring in their evidence, who they think did it, and the DNA is spun to reveal the truth. Why is there such a lag on DNA testing? Why is this not standard procedure? Because it costs a lot? How very shortsighted! How much does it cost all of us to keep someone in prison? How much do appeals cost? How much would restitution cost for erroneous imprisonment? How much would it save to get it right the first time? But how sad that this even has to exist. With all the gnashing of “tough of crime” advocates screeching about making our streets safe and using the old “minimize and dismiss” technique by regurgitating the standard cliché of “everyone in prison is innocent, didn’t you know that?” (hardy har har), it is obvious that we are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. What happened to the setting of 100 guilty men free rather than incarcerating 1 innocent man? Our legal system can be bought and paid for, plain and simple. If you have the money, honey, they got the crime. And the verdict.