There's something amazing about satisfaction. I am finding that cool, calm, balanced place is a wonderful residence. There's the euphoria of joy, the exhilaration of falling in love, the sweeping blackness of sadness. Those ups and downs have always been a place I haven't minded residing. But I have found a wonderful place called satisfaction. Where I feel an overwhelming sense that all is right with my world. Normally this would be a temporary time, a day where all that I wanted to accomplish, do, see, be would come together. That, in the past, is how that has always been. But recently I have found that what I have accomplished in a day, is as much as I wanted to accomplish. What I have seen, what I have done, what I have been has been enough. I love my job. I love my family. My husband is my best friend and the love of my life. My children are the light of my life. My best girl friend has found love. That had been an obstacle to the destination of satisfaction for me that I didn't fully realize. I couldn't be truly happy until the important people in my life had what I have. And now she has it, and I am awash in a warmth and peace that was always been fleeting. 
It's a good place. 
It's a place I think I have been searching for all my life. 
Whatever situation. 
Whatever substance. 
Whatever person. 
Whatever brought that beautiful place into my realm brought it temporarily, leading me to believe that it was only achievable by external intervention.  
Now I realize that is not the truth. 
The truth is that it is inside me. 
Inside you. 
It is achievable by finding what makes you tick. 
What makes you happy. 
What the things are inside of you that you need to fulfill. 
It's different for everyone. 
The little things. 
The big things. 
The easy things. 
The difficult things. 
The seemingly unattainable things. 
It really seems that since my brother died, my life has taken a dramatic turn. I believe to the core of my being that my brother has been guiding my life. He hated to see me struggle. He wanted to see my life ease. I know that. He saw me constantly battling, constantly treading water while more and more was heaped onto my shoulders while I struggled to stay afloat. I watch programs about orphans in Africa and think that even at the worst periods in my life I have been so very blessed. But we all have our struggles that are enough to make us feel that we are on the verge of complete destitution. There is no minimizing that. I feel my brother has helped me, has guided me, has made things happen for me that have changed my life. 
Changed me. 
And I am grateful. 

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